May 18 2013
My friends and family always tell me I could write a book based on the things I’ve been through in my life. I always just tell them no one would read it. However, I was laying in bed the other night just thinking about all that we’ve dealt with after my grandma had again said just that during a conversation that day and I was in my head thinking of the chapters of that book just for the heck of it. Here’s what I came up with.
- Chapter 1 – Childhood - I had a normal, awesome childhood, truly
- Chapter 2- Teen Angst – I had PLENTY of this to go around and it lasted for a while. I put my parents through Hell and was not fun to be in the same house with.
- Chapter 3 – Marriage, Instant Family, Divorce – I found it sad I could put that whole portion of my life in to one chapter, but really it was.
- Chapter 4 – New Beginnings – After my divorce so much happened. It would be a long chapter but it would all fit nicely in there.
- Chapter 5 – Motherhood & A New Chance at Family – I have to write about the happiest time I can think of in my life, when Joey came along, when I got re-married, when I naively thought life was finally going to go smoothly and we were going to be happy forever and I probably would have told you my book would stop there and that would explain why it would be the worst.book.ever.
- Chapter 6 – Health Crisis – This is where Joey spent the first 4 years of his life sick over and over and over and Joe switched jobs and worked a lot. It was exhausting.
- Chapter 7 – Infertility – Pretty self explanatory chapter but it would be a long one too because infertility is a kind of Hell that can’t be quickly summed up
- Chapter 8 – Adoption – This would be both a fun and emotional chapter because it’s such an amazing bundle of things all wrapped in to one BIG event that will change your life forever. It has ups and downs but if you’re lucky like we were the end result is AMAZING.
- Chapter 9 – Single Motherhood – This would be where Joe was working overseas and I had a first grader with what we didn’t know were two disabilities and a new baby and a home business all at once. There were days I rocked it and nights I cried myself to sleep.
- Chapter 10 – Fire – That one word is so hard to type but while at the time I thought the fire itself would be the worst part I had no idea that it would continue to rob us of so much and almost 5 years later still be controlling us.
- Chapter 11 – Insurance Companies SUCK – Again self explanatory. Nothing is worse than having your world crash down around you and then finding out the people you paid for years to protect you, do not have your best interests at heart and are in fact a business made up of people who will do everything possible to make it more difficult for you.
- Chapter 12 – More New Beginnings – I really thought when the settlement came through we were going to be able to truly start over and move on.
- Chapter 13 – PTSD – This could fit in anywhere after the fire and would be a chapter without a fulfilling ending for my readers I’m afraid, as it has not ended and to be honest there is no end in sight
- Chapter 14 – People Suck – This chapter also spans most of the book and is ongoing. I would probably come up with a better name for it, but today it’s what works. I have learned that people look out for themselves first and WILL take advantage of any situation they can to their advantage and potentially your detriment.
- Chapter 15 – Tourettes – Another long chapter filled with SO many answers. What makes me so angry and sad is that this should have been WAY up in the chapter list because that simple one word diagnosis would have made such a difference in Joey’s life.
- Chapter 16 – Moving, Moving Again, and Moving Again – We’ve moved 6 times in just shy of 5 years and it SUCKS every.single.time.
- Chapter 17 – A Day Late and a Dollar Short – Again this could just be a theme throughout the book as we always seem to struggle no matter what we do or how hard we work. Some of it has been poor decisions and just making those financial mistakes people make but a lot of it has been just sheer crap luck and a house that could literally have been the house in the movie “The Money Pit”
- Chapter 18 – Chronic Illness – When you have PTSD and you are climbing out of the pit, the last thing you need is to be hit with what will turn out to be a chronic illness but, that’s me for you! Lung Disease is a laugh a minute.
- Chapter 19 – A Traumatized Child – This chapter would probably kill me to write, but it’s our reality. I have a very damaged 6 year old because she watched her house burn down and has moved so many times she has no idea if she will wake up in the same bedroom tomorrow so she sleeps in my bed.
- Chapter 20 – Teen Angst the Revenge – My amazingly wonderful son is me at his age and just for kicks we’ve thrown Tourettes, ADHD, and a significant lack of impulse control in to the mix. It’s so much fun. Mom’s can actually curse you when they are mad at you. Mine did.
- Chapter 21 – Mortality – This is where you realize your parents and grandparents are mortal and life is fragile and they can be taken from you at any possible second.
- Chapter 22 – The Big “D” – That’s tomorrow’s post.
- Chapter 23 – What Next? – This would be the final chapter in this book. It would probably be a series because honestly, the sky continues to fall around us on a daily basis. So, if I was actually a decent writer it would be a series with a cliffhanger.
So, there’s my chapter list. Not a book a lot of people would buy huh? I don’t have any words of wisdom to impart. I don’t have a big cathartic event that brought us out of a life that insists on kicking us around repeatedly. It won’t be a Devotional and I certainly won’t be doing book tours to motivate people and prove to them you can overcome anything, because the simple truth is, I haven’t and I don’t know that I can. I’m almost 36 and I can’t overcome it and it continues to steamroll over us, so what would I title this “book” and who would buy it?? Needless to say, I won’t be writing it any time soon. This blog that I use to pour my tears in to, is the closest thing there will ever be, and I highly doubt anyone is ever going to want to turn this horror show in to a bound piece of literature that will grace shelves of bookstores and libraries.